An Open Book
Professor Karl 'Penny' Hengelshusser: "Making love to a woman is much like reading a good book: one should not break the spine if one can help it".
Horn
Diagram of The Leader showing his horn section
A Giant Lizard
One minute it's all blandishments and the dry comfort of a scaly tongue...
...the next you're fed into it and pulped.
The Fist Says: keep the lizard warm and don't sand your door frame with its rough hide.
INTERNATIONAL ROUND UP
GLASGOW - CITY OF LOVE
Valentine's day; a special time here in Scotland's City of Love. Factories paint large areas of the sky beige in celebration, and the locals are even more loving and welcoming than usual. I had barely arrived at the station, when a charming young man covered in scars and tattoos offered to take my bags for me.
That night at a meeting of the local revolutionary cell, the Chairman of the Glasgow Committee for Victory through Bloody Attrition, an outwardly tough man called McBastard, turned to me and said "Love hurts.". His eyes were deep and pure and he spoke with great sincerity. Although the way he said it gave the impression that it was probably others who were going to get hurt.
"Fuck you, commie wanker!" a little boy shouted at us.
McBastard chuckled. "It's just their way of saying 'I love you'," he explained, then pulled out a gun and the shot the boy, "And that's ours."
The Leader says: England expects that every woman will shake her booty
