VALENTINES EDITION   MONDAY 8th FEBRUARY FIST OF LOVE Love Me, Love My Fist Cupid Attack Page 3 Pinup Problems Page DATE-FIST Love is... How can I fight?

Welcome to DATE-FIST Computerised Dating You too can find love. Just fill in the male or female form to meet your ideal partner... 1) How would you describe yourself? card-carrying, Finn-hating, fascist-killing motherfucker of a son of a working class whore other 2) Are you looking to screw a foxy bitch or what? Yes 3) Criminal Record/Revolutionary Career (highlights only) 4) Hobbies/leisure Revolution Stamping out the Finn Obeying The Leader Drug-related Relative-related Golf 5) Your partner should be: The Leader Slow Blind 2 people Butt-ugly Wheelchair-bound Gasping her last breath Gasping her first breath A giant lizard 6) Finally: Love is... Fast Forensically untraceable Politics by other means Beige Fist Blind Date.It's the time of year for the Morning Fist Editorial Staff Blind Date. Every year out of the goodness of our hearts we select a member of the Fist Staff (usually Mark) to go on a blind date with a lucky member of the revolutionary public. All you have to do to enter is say, in no more than twenty words why you are the ideal person to go on a date with a member of the highly sought after Fist Editorial Staff. Points we advise you to highlight are: That you are a woman. That you are clean shaven. That you are of low moral fibre. That you are not a single mum, bubbly or cuddly and do not describe yourself using acronyms. GSOH will be taken to stand for 'Great Sucker of Head'. That you have low self esteem. Big titties. That you are willing to service the personal needs of The Leader if called upon to do so. That you are willing to give your body to the revolution*. That you own a Capri [optional]. Good luck, and remember, no more than twenty words an evening. *'revolution' is used here as shorthand for 'demented lust of the boy-monkey Mark Watkins'. Technical note: This form will only work if your browser is set up to do e-mail. Both netscape & explorer can do this. If you have any problems please contact our technical staff at [email protected] and they'll have good laugh at your expense.