VALENTINES EDITION MONDAY 8th FEBRUARY
FIST OF LOVE
Love Me,
Love My Fist
Cupid Attack Page 3 Pinup Problems Page DATE-FIST Love is... How can I fight?
 
 
Welcome to DATE-FIST Computerised Dating
You too can find love. Just fill in the male or female form to meet your ideal partner...


1) How would you describe yourself?
card-carrying, Finn-hating, fascist-killing motherfucker of a son of a working class whore
other

2) Are you looking to screw a foxy bitch or what?
Yes

3) Criminal Record/Revolutionary Career (highlights only)


4) Hobbies/leisure
Revolution
Stamping out the Finn
Obeying The Leader
Drug-related
Relative-related
Golf

5) Your partner should be:
The Leader
Slow
Blind
2 people
Butt-ugly
Wheelchair-bound
Gasping her last breath
Gasping her first breath
A giant lizard

6) Finally: Love is...
Fast
Forensically untraceable
Politics by other means
Beige


Fist Blind Date.
It's the time of year for the Morning Fist Editorial Staff Blind Date.

Every year out of the goodness of our hearts we select a member of the Fist Staff (usually Mark) to go on a blind date with a lucky member of the revolutionary public.

All you have to do to enter is say, in no more than twenty words why you are the ideal person to go on a date with a member of the highly sought after Fist Editorial Staff. Points we advise you to highlight are:
  • That you are a woman.
  • That you are clean shaven.
  • That you are of low moral fibre.
  • That you are not a single mum, bubbly or cuddly and do not describe yourself using acronyms. GSOH will be taken to stand for 'Great Sucker of Head'.
  • That you have low self esteem.
  • Big titties.
  • That you are willing to service the personal needs of The Leader if called upon to do so.
  • That you are willing to give your body to the revolution*.
  • That you own a Capri [optional].

Good luck, and remember, no more than twenty words an evening.

*'revolution' is used here as shorthand for 'demented lust of the boy-monkey Mark Watkins'.
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