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FIST FINANCIAL NEWS
Murdoch Clinches TV Deal for the Revolution.
The Leader ended weeks of speculation by announcing his approval for the Murdoch bid. The revolution will be shown on a 'Pay-Per-Coup' system. See BSkyB listings for details.

Monopolies & Mergers Commission to Investigate The Leader.
The investigation, announced this morning, will focus on the well known claim that "There is only one will & that is the will of the people expressed through The Leader". If the commission finds against The Leader, he will have to be broken up into several 'baby leaders'. In a similar move on the other side of the Atlantic, the US Government has brought an anti-trust suit against The Leader on the grounds that he was insisting retailers package his ideology with his revolutionary products, thus denying market share to smaller ideologies which could have benefited the consumer.

Revolution Announces Record Profits.
The Revolution today announced profits for this quarter that set a new world record. A spokesman at the A.G.M. attributed the spectacular performance of the movement to the continued success of the "expropriation-of-the-land-and-property-of-the-robber---baron-capitalists-and-their-lackey-running-dogs" policy. Industry experts estimate this scheme to have thus far encompassed all wealth everywhere.

Share Prices: A survey of yesterday's leading performers on the FTSE 100

Company	Share Price	Change
BP/AMOCO	0	shot
British Telecom	0	shot
Matzushita	0	hung
Microsoft	0	drowned
Mitsubishi Heavy Industries	0	exploded
The Revolution	1.6 squillion	up 1 zillion
Royal Dutch/Shell	0	devoured by mutant sea bass
Sun Microsystems	0	natural causes

Most other stocks closed down 6 feet before trading was suspended for a meat festival. The NIKKEI suffered a heavy fall today, disappearing into a pit trap and apparently being impaled on spikes. International money speculators are being blamed for having dug the trap and covered it with gilt edged twigs, leaves futures and dirt securities.

Fist Financial Section Wins Top Award
The Fist's enormously popular financial section was presented with an excellence award by The Farmers last night at a glitzy gala reception. The Fist Editors were seen standing on their hind legs holding wine glasses in their trotters. Observers commented that it was no longer possible to tell the difference between the Fist editors and the farmers.