With pornography being the biggest trade form under the Leader's regime, I feel it my duty to inform all about how it will affect you the people. Firstly, all money will be replaced with the new worldwide currency - the Titty(Ty). There are 69 Funbags(Fb) to the Titty. The Titty comes in note form -
1 Ty - The Leader's pic on one side, a fine piece of ass (varies from week to week) on the other.
5 Ty - The Leader's pic on one side, Phillipa Forrester naked on t'other.
10 Ty - The Leader's pic on one side, that Chanel no5 bird will be legs akimbo on the back.
20 Ty - The Leader's pic on one side, Sabrina being ridden by the New Pope on the reverse.
69 Ty - The Leader's pic on one side, Anne and Amy from Neighbours caught in uniform being bad on the converse.
The Funbags are breast shaped golden coins in denominations as above. The pictures do ot vary from coin to coin, they are all of Louise Woodward straddling the Thames like a colossus.
At least fifty percent of the workforce is involved in pornography in some way. Every shop, no matter its design, is to sell all types of pornography. If a man requires a whacking-off period (like coffee breaks, except more important) then he is allowed 30 minutes in every two hour period to buy pornography and whack off.
After some intense scientific research, our Leader has found the "stupid" gene that is in a small faction of the population. These crack scientists have developed an aerosol spray which when released into the atmosphere, will turn all the stupid people into harmless pasta. Once these people are destroyed the world will be a much better place (stupid people generally give their children ridiculous names, so in the end they are spared from a beheading). With these people gone, pornography will be pure and beautiful, mankind will flourish under our Leader's guidance and remorse will shrink the tadgers of our former critics to childlike proportions.
All advertising will be done with pornography. A naked woman (or more than one if the right forms are filled in) will hold the article in her hand. Every household item will be renamed "The Leader's ..." and have naked women on the packaging. For example, Corn will no longer be advertised by a giant green farmer; instead "The Leader's Corn" is advertised with a huge green naked woman, holding a cob between her heaving bosoms.
The Leader's hatred of animals is well known, as such any animal found not to be wearing a coat made of prime pornography, will be clamped and a large fee be required in order to free it.
There will be several pornographic channels on television and radio twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, all free at the Leader's bequest.
The teachings of the Leader will concentrate on the three "R"s for female pupils - oral, wanking and stripping. It is noted that none of the above begin with R, but try finding someone who gives a fuck. Male pupils will be shown how to correctly "apply the horn", mock fat kids and why the Leader is so great.
The Leader's security personnel democratically oppress a reporter from a rival revolutionary paper, on behalf of you, the people.
International Roundup JAPAN
I am Wan Kme Owf, head of the regime out here in Japan. Over here we have noticed very little change in lifestyle but give thanks to our Leader all the same, the amount of pornography available has only slightly increased and only our sportsmen wear mullets. Our people are very supportive of the destruction of the Finnish fascists, apparently it was those dirty cunts who stole the nuke and dropped it on us, then had the gall to blame our brave American allies. It was also they who planted small seismic devices beneath our beloved cities and throught the use of propagada made us fearful of rocks. But now we display over thirty fascist heads in our capital Unit and our Flyguy has had an entire southern island painted red to show our commitment. As our next pledge to the Leader we will be dropping over sixty thousand children onto the home of the Finn in suicide raids hoping that our skin diseases will spread and destroy them all like the plague.
The Leader's security personnel democratically oppress a