 | SECOND EDITION | MONDAY 25th JANUARY | ||||||||
| MORNING FIST | ||||||||||
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The Right Rev. Davis Greece stains our dance card: I now needed a great palace from which to oversee the Leader's projects. My capital is now the area once called Solihull, now re-designated Command Unit Midlands (CUM); from my headquarters in St. Martin's School for Girls my seed shall settle like bad snow on the ground.
I must tell you the tale of The Night of Very Greased Wheels, when I seized control of this fortress.
With me I had brought my most trusted manimals:
Jaffar - half-man, half-tiger, trained in Indian martial arts.
Julio - half-woman, half-bison, her thick skull could crack steel and her cloven feet leave vicious marks.
Scattman - half-man, half domestic cat, his laziness and tree-scratching are unparalleled.
Nedian - half-man, half-biscuit, uncanny ability to blather and spin.
Beccah - half-lesbian, half-Mack Truck, the powerhouse of the unit with metal bones and explosive egg firing ability.
Fatboy and Fatboyo - twins one half-man and half-walrus, the other half-Welsh and half-walrus. Working in unison with their moustaches and teeth, a fighting team only once defeated.
Bendo - half-man, half-bat, with his leathery wings and "EEP" sound he scouts for the group.
Ceetee - half-man, half-weasel. Specialist tunnel fighter with tiny atrophied limbs; generally uses a wheel to move.
I planned my tactics with care, deciding on a full frontal excuse with much kicking and punching.
Bendo had seen it from above, but even his warning could not prepare us for what happened first. Fifty enraged "Bitches of the Empire" swarmed from their treehouse hideaways around the school and enveloped us. Maroon and grey swirled around us, a maelstrom of mingers wielding hockey sticks and mouthbrace whips.
We fought hard. Fatboyo struck first, impaling three bitches with one tusk; Scattman seemed distracted, scratching a tree. Nedian fared best: the mingers were greatly impressed by his stories and when their guards were lowered he struck savagely with his Pirouettes of Smoke. Suddenly a falling tree smashed twenty bitches - Scattman's claws had been busy after all.
This was one of the Empire's finest war academies; its removal was crucial to the military success of the Revolution. Of course the Leader would not allow the carpet-bombing of women, we took the school yard by bloody yard of ground. Bendo's "EEP" dispatched the snipers, the tusks of the walrus brothers were by now literally dripping with people. Julio hit the main door hard, it exploded inwards showering bitches with lethal shards. In the corridors within Ceetee excelled, his colossal wheel crushing and smearing.
Our main objective was the Headbitch and her feared sub-bitches; without leadership our bestial enemies would crumble.
...to be continued...
