Morning Fist HQ

A Note to Finnish Fisters Unfortunately, it seems you are living in a land of fascists. Under the guise of a liberal democracy, Finland is in fact orchestrating the oppression of mankind. The Fist's extensive undercover (ie. we didn't get out of bed) research has brought to light the stinking truth. Our evidence is compelling: No Finnish person has bought any of us a drink, ever. Accordingly, Finland has been labelled with the status 'Fascist-Imperialist-Zionist Enemy of the People & the Revolution'. As a loyal follower of the Leader, you must be apalled to discover this. We urge you not to kill yourself; you serve the Leader better by carrying on in your tyrannical ways. It is indeed a heavy burden to carry, but there has to be an enemy. In the struggle for working class freedom, the people need a tangible opponent to struggle against. We did briefly consider targetting the USA, but rejected it as an unworthy foe. Some might claim this is bigoted and offensive. To them we point out that we don't actually know any Finns and therefore can't be biased against them. One day, when the Leader's word is the law throughout the world and all men are free from the chains of capitalism, the Finnish will be accorded their rightful place in the history of the revolution. Unfortunately, you will probably have to undergo many years of villification first. Especially if the economy goes badly, in which case the Leader may have to sink your country to distract attention from home affairs. We trust you will remain loyal to the party throughout this persecution, knowing each Finnish joke, each propaganda-inspired murder, brings the international brotherhood of man a little closer. The editors of the Fist would like to make it clear that they do not have anything personal against the Finns. No, the people we hate are the Flemish, but we daren't say that for fear of their terrible reprisals. Back To The Fist

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